My 60 Soulmate Criteria

Photo by Andrew Nicholson

In April 2007, I wrote down a list of everything I wanted to experience in an intimate relationship. I allowed my thoughts to flow, and listed absolutely everything… not only what I wanted to experience in love, but also in my life, my work, in where I lived, right down to having a vegetable garden.

Little did I know that everything I was writing was about to begin unfolding for me… so I am sharing my list below.

I know that many Law of Attraction teachers will tell you never to use the words ‘I want’ when manifesting, because it supposedly comes from a place of lack. For me, it doesn’t. It comes from a place of complete expectation…

So, in my Soulmate, here’s what I want…

  1. A man who is strong, protective, decisive, knows exactly what he wants from life and is not afraid to go for it.
  2. He must be guided by his instincts, spontaneous, does not feel threatened by emotionally strong women. Definitely doesn’t need fixing, and not a fixer. He must love himself 10/10.
  3. I want a man who makes me feel safe, a man who will take my hand when I feel vulnerable.
  4. Who knows how to make himself feel good about life no matter how others may attempt to make him feel.
  5. Strong and fit and definitely into healthy eating…
  6. Great sense of humour, because laughing and enjoying each other and the best that life has to offer is of ultimate importance to me.
  7. A man who can talk and listen openly and deeply when either of us need to, a man who will allow me to be the woman I have become and who will love me as I am. Someone who will express his love openly, talk with me, connect with me, and ultimately, who treasures that connection.
  8. A man who will cry with me when he needs to, and who knows when to listen.
  9. A man who will encourage me to express myself at all times, who will take my ideas and creativity seriously and will blend them with his own, a man who is as proud of me as I am of him.
  10. A man who will flirt with me and let me know that he feels I’m beautiful and special, someone who will join in me with how wonderful it is to be alive.
  11. A man who loves animals and nature.
  12. I want a man who will hold me when I feel vulnerable or hurt, who will encourage me to talk through why I feel that way…. but who will also let me retain a little of myself if I feel that I want to.
  13. A man who behaves exactly in accordance with who he is and never worries about how I will respond to anything he does.
  14. A man who tells me what he wants – I respect that so much. I hate feeling people are treading carefully around me. I can always tell when someone is trying to please me, when all I ever want is others to be themselves. I want a strong man (but not a bullying or manipulative man) and I want a strong man to take the lead.
  15. I want a man who loves it when I feel really effervescent about life – when I’m overflowing with positive energy, which is a great deal of the time.
  16. A man who understands and connects with the same kinds of books, motivational CDs and who knows without doubt that he is in control of what happens in his mind. A man who understands the Law of Attraction, how and why it works, and who can make it work for him. I want to be able to have an in-depth discussion with the man I adore about how incredible the whole of life is. I want a very emotionally intelligent and spiritual man.
  17. A man who is confident that he is the provider, with a sense of pride for what we have as a couple.
  18. I want a man who is sociable and brilliant with people, who has a great many friends, but who does not need to go down the pub with his mates every Friday night to watch the footie and get obliterated on drink. Definitely not a ‘Friday night out with the guys’ kind of guy.
  19. He must be great with people, compassionate and understanding, but not a people pleaser. Authentic and true to his soul…I want him to say it as he sees it.
  20. I want a man who will take me to the opera, take my hand when I begin to cry and kiss my tears away…
  21. I want a man who loves watching me get completely lost in my piano, who is moved by the sound of me doing so, and who understands that it takes time and patience to learn a new piece, especially Chopin. In the same way, I want him to teach me about his hobbies, encouraging me to take part in everything he enjoys as much as he wishes me to do so.
  22. I want to be with a man who will support me in writing a book… I want a mutually supportive, inspirational relationship where both of us can flourish at being everything creative that we were gifted with…
  23. I don’t want to be with a man who constantly corrects everything I say, do or am, or who tells me how he expects me to be on a regular basis… he would simply be moulding me into the woman he requires me to be rather than accepting me for who I am… that is not love. Instead, I want to be with a man who understands that the one voice that guides me most is my own instinct.
  24. In a relationship I value… Trust, Love, Respect, Faithfulness, Sincerity, Gratitude, Openness, Honesty, Understanding, Compassion, Soul Connection, Passion, Romance… he must value the same.
  25. No fear of hard work from either side…to work as a team to build something incredible.
  26. Just the teeniest bit of jealousy so I know he cares – never overboard with it.
  27. Passion – this is an important part of my life – I want to feel very comfortable with him. I want us to feel completely as one when we make love, when we touch, to have a sense of ‘melting’ into each other. I wish us both to feel completely soul-connected …I would love to study Tantra with him.
  28. Romance… in so many ways, and initiated from both sides…one meal at home can be an incredible experience.
  29. For both of us to retain our individuality, a degree of privacy for both of us.
  30. Exploring together i.e. camping/spending a night under the stars, candlelit baths together, making meals together, travelling together…
  31. A great deal of expression – to be able to approach each other with comfort and ease whenever we need to, to be able to talk about anything and everything from either side, experiencing as much as possible from life – building a home/business/life/garden together.
  32. I want to be with a man who makes my heart skip a beat whenever I’m in contact with him. I want this feeling to last for decades and decades, not just for the initial stages of the relationship…I firmly believe that this is completely achievable. I have no desire to enter into a ‘half’ relationship with anyone. I want to blossom, grow, learn, achieve, live, laugh, love, be loved and be the very best we both can be…sharing ultimate happiness with him. It is vital for me that he wants exactly this in a relationship too.
  33. I want a man who sweeps me off my feet…I love feeling ‘taken’ in this way. I want a decisive man I will look up to, one who will also look up to me. He must be very secure within his masculinity.
  34. A man who treats me as if I am the most important thing in his life, as I will do with him. But, it’s also important for me to know that he would survive without me. I do not want to feel that he would crumble if I were to leave, and it’s just as important for him to know that I will survive were he to leave me. So no attachment or neediness on either side.
  35. He has to be my greatest teacher…and I his.
  36. I want a man who understands that I love to steam 5 veggies with my meal at night, not just 2, and that’s simply because I love them. A man who enjoys cooking as much as me and who will teach me something new about food. He must love sprouts!
  37. A man who understands that I sometimes like to be alone, and who will never take that personally.  A man with whom I can sit in a room at night and sometimes no words need to be spoken… just silence… where the love can still be felt between us without the need for words.
  38. I want to be with a man who may, or may not, want to have children. On a personal level I haven’t decided yet whether I want them or not but I want to be open to the option, so if we do decide as a couple that it’s right for us, then it’s important to me that our first child together is the first for both of us. Not sure why that’s important to me, but for some reason it just is. So I want a man with no children from previous relationships – same as me.
  39. I want a man who loves the fact that I love to look smart and feminine, especially for work, who will understand that I love to look and feel good within myself i.e. wearing make up, styling my hair, wearing a little jewellery, high heels, floaty skirts.
  40. I love to look after my man in terms of cooking/washing/cleaning/ironing etc. I love my feminine nurturing side, and although I am very strong emotionally, I am not a feminist, but that doesn’t mean that I want to do everything around the home all of the time. I want a man who shares the housework equally with me, a man who will cook for me too, and a man who will do these things with love and a sense of pride in his own home and in caring for this relationship. Ultimately, I love a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman…I feel the roles of each are vitally important.
  41. In my work… I want to create a stand alone ‘brand’ with a partner whose vision is on the same wavelength. I have huge wings and I intend to soar with them. I love to consider everyone else’s thoughts and ideas, learn as much as possible and take on board everything that touches me. I have no intention of staying small in respect of my work, and this is not in terms of seeking fame or money, but in terms of empowering the lives of as many people as possible and my passion for the effect this kind of work has on the world. I want to concentrate on workshops/classes/courses/inspirational speaking. I want a man who shares exactly the same vision.
  42. I would love to run a retreat with a man I adore, to work alongside each other to create some incredible workshops, changing the lives of others. The thought of putting ideas together with a man I love deeply, who is on the same wavelength in life and who loves to teach others with the same passion that I do, is so deeply inspirational to me that I find it difficult to put into words.
  43. I want to live somewhere beautiful, where I can see mountains and trees, water too…where I can feel the space around me…I’m not a city girl – I begin to feel suffocated amongst crowds of people…I do love to spend time in cities, but would not want to live in one again…I want a garden, vegetable patch and dogs…Can’t bear dark, smoky nightclubs where you have to shout at your friends in order to chat with them, but I do love quieter romantic country type places – open fires, intimate chats, lots of wood, fantastic atmosphere, pictures on the walls, relaxing music in the background. I want a home filled with love. I want a man who values these same things.
  44. I want to visit the Tutankamun exhibition asap… (PS. We did this early in 2008)
  45. I never want a man to become what he thinks I want him to be…I want him to be this because in essence, he already is.
  46. I want him to be in his early 40’s.
  47. I want an Austrian connection (my grandparent was Austrian – love the opera).
  48. I want a man who doesn’t wear a watch, read newspapers or watch TV – these are things that fell away from my life on my own spiritual journey.
  49. Someone who would refer to me as his Soul-Mate. Someone who feels a soul-connection with me…something different to anything either of us has ever felt before.
  50. An understanding of what it takes to make an intimate relationship work – someone who understands women and relationships in great depth.
  51. Someone who would always wish to attend personal development seminars, talks and other people’s workshops with me – I want someone with whom I will grow and learn…together on our journey.
  52.  A man who has a library of personal development books, but not the same ones as mine, because I want him to teach me something new…a different and exciting perspective…someone who will challenge me to grow and to be the best I can be…I want to do the same for him.
  53. A man who doesn’t like violent movies, and instead would enjoy watching a chick-flick with me…someone who would even cry at a sad movie.
  54. Great at marketing and business, with a strong, clear vision and purpose for our future together. A highly intelligent man, who would lead our business into success…
  55. Into massage – giving and receiving… lots of it! He must be very tactile.
  56. Blue or green eyes, great bum, muscular legs and arms and a hairy chest.
  57. He must be a very safe driver, and great at keeping himself organized, at home and at work.
  58. Fantastic kisser…soft gentle lips. Brilliant lover…. lots of lovemaking, long mornings in bed… I want this to get better and better as the years go by, as opposed to less and less, as it so often does in relationships…
  59. Someone who will take me to task when I’m feeling low and not allow me to stay there… and who will allow me to take him to task too when he’s feeling low.
  60. A wonderful writer, perhaps writing his own books too.

Diane, 2007

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