You have the power to choose…

Photo by Andrew Nicholson

Would you choose to wade through the cold, torrential water, or walk over the bridge?

Of course it’s a metaphor, but believe it or not, many choose to wade through the cold water when it comes to their daily life. Why? Because it takes some fortitude and self-change to decide that the bridge is not only there, but accessible. In fact we become so used to the torrents, that we don’t even think about how they are affecting us. It simply is what life becomes. We become numb.

It really doesn’t have to be this way…

I look back over the last 10 years at some of the lessons which have had such a powerful impact on the way I now embrace life. I know without doubt that I, like you, am an incredible human being, connected to everyone and everything around me, with the power to create my life.

Fear is disabling, and if it’s present in your energy, then it doesn’t matter what you want to create, whether it’s a loving relationship, a new job or a successful business – the beliefs you hold which cause you fear will tend to expand in your life. Fear can often be sensed in others. Somehow it shows through on a subconscious level, and of course we also respond to it.

Over these last 10 years I’ve chosen to consciously step through the fears I knew were holding me back. Yes, of course I was scared at times, but doing so changed every aspect of my life beyond recognition. I have one belief when it comes to fear:“If it can’t kill me, then there is nothing to be fearful about. Everything else is in my mind, and I’m in charge of that. Period.”

The only other concept which feels fearful to me these days is the thought of lying on my deathbed many years from now, looking back with regret at how unfulfilled my life had been, wishing I’d had the courage to play full out and achieve my true potential. That thought is far more frightening than stepping through any fear I can possibly face now…

There is no failure, rejection or disapproval in life, absolutely not – all of these things are ego driven and created within our own minds. I came to understand in depth just how unrealistic it is to worry about what others thought of me (such a burden lifted!), and therein disappeared any concept of failure. In fact, making mistakes is an essential part of growing and learning, and the only people who ‘fail’ are those who refuse to step out of their comfort zones for fear of being judged, and then ironically sit in judgement of others who do step up and out. Fact – if you choose to live your life through someone else’s perception, then you are likely to remain in fear, and unlikely to ever experience happiness.

I learned, with astonishing impact, just how much my beliefs formed my experience of life. When I told myself I could achieve something, then miraculously, I could. So I shifted my limiting beliefs with full awareness and embraced every challenge. I now live my life without self-imposed limits. I realised that blaming others was giving away my power and also any control over my experience of life. After all, blaming others is effectively saying I have no control. That felt very disempowering. So I chose to take full responsibility for my emotions and outcomes, regardless of the behaviour of others – after all, their behaviour is their stuff and they’re quite entitled to have it, without judgement from me.

In fact, I also realised that when I do sit in judgement of others, it doesn’t define them. All it actually pinpoints is that I’m feeling unhappy within myself. So when I catch myself doing this, I pick up the mirror and check in on what action I need to take to move back into a loving frame of mind. I monitor my own perceptions regularly, because they tell me everything I need to know.

I learned that my experience of any relationship, intimate and otherwise, was a direct reflection of my relationship with myself. Trying to be what I assumed others expected of me was in fact, simply a form of imitation love, which could only leave me in a place of fear… because what if that imitation love wasn’t returned?

Learning how to forgive by looking back over my past and finding lessons and gifts in every experience was the most empowering gift – I freed myself from the pain of holding on to anger, allowing myself to heal. I learned to silently acknowledge those people who had caused me pain as being some of my greatest teachers. They gave me the most incredible opportunities to master my emotions regardless of having experienced that pain. Without them, I wouldn’t be teaching today and living my life to the full.

I learned just how vital it is to love myself unconditionally. The moment I began to love myself, the more love I had to give and share with others. I was also able to receive more love. But then it’s not surprising really, because no one can love you more than you love yourself. You teach others exactly how to love and treat you by how you love and treat yourself. Yet most of us think that we’re being good and kind by putting ourselves last, whilst secretly harbouring resentment that others are treating us the same way we’re treating ourselves. I had to really wake up to the fact that I was teaching them…

I have learned that inner peace truly is inside of me. It is not created by anything on the outside. By walking away from a majority of the material possessions I owned in 2007, I realised first hand that everything can be taken away except what is on the inside. Within this experience was the most beautiful lesson in acceptance. Now, I feel no fear in my strength to stand alone in this world, knowing without doubt that I can, and will, handle anything… and it was in truly knowing that I am capable of standing courageously alone, that I found the most beautiful relationship and realised that I was the furthest from being alone that I could ever be.

I learned how to go from being in a loving relationship with myself, to being in a loving relationship with my Soul Mate. It was through our initial ups and downs that the most powerful lessons were learned, which ultimately strengthened us beyond words. These lessons opened the path for us to live our destined purpose, helping others move beyond those same challenges. They were an essential part of our self-growth and in our discovery of what unconditional love really means. We know that a deeply loving relationship is without doubt something we can all experience, provided the loving connection between two people is present. It is not something we simply stumble upon when we meet someone who makes our heart skip a beat. This is infatuation, not love. Love is an immensely deep knowing and understanding of self and other, and requires a great deal of conscious awareness and growing-up.

Essentially, I realised with absolutely certainty that I create my life – no longer does life simply ‘happen’ to me. Those events that are destined and not within my control, well, I can choose how to respond to them – with love or fear. I choose love, because it gives me clarity. Plus I see what happens to my outcomes when I choose to respond with fear instead. I choose to trust in the process of life with an inner knowing that everything that comes my way is something I am meant to be learning, so I surrender to all of it.

My truth is this:

  • I can choose to step out of my comfort zone as often as I wish.
  • I can choose to step through my fears.
  • I can choose to have empowering beliefs.
  • I can choose how to respond to any situation.
  • I can choose to take responsibility for my emotions.
  • I can choose to be in great energy whenever possible.
  • I can choose to see others through loving eyes…
  • I can choose to direct all my intentions towards creating the life of my dreams.
  • Ultimately, I can choose to feel at peace.

Or…

  • I can blame others for everything that’s wrong in my life.
  • I can choose to remain around others who hurt me regularly.
  • I can choose never to put my boundaries down.
  • I can choose to hold on to self-imposed limitations with every last breath, ensuring I have an excuse for everything.
  • I can choose to live my life in a perpetual state of being offended.
  • I can make choices for myself which I know will weaken me.
  • I can choose not to see the part I play in every relationship I have; intimate, friendship, family, work, then wonder why my patterns follow me around like a ball and chain, over and over again…

Even as I write those last few sentences, I connect fully with just how ludicrous these latter options have come to feel. They bear no presence in my life. I choose not to have them, because I know I have the right to choose.

I choose happiness and peace. I cannot see any aspect of my life which I do not either create, or have the power to choose my response to. I feel deeply empowered. It has been, and continues to be, an astounding journey.

I am warm, dry, and walking upon the strength of the bridge I have built beneath me. It has become the foundation of my soul, and I feel unafraid.

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